A week passed before I could face the sad task of dealing with physical reminders of Lexie Lee’s passing. There were many. She liked to eat out of small bowls. When she got sick, I put her food in vintage flat glass bowls that accommodated smaller portions. That practice continued for six months. I found bowls in the bedroom under a bench and under the bed and by a water dish. Another bowl was under the dining room table and two more were in the kitchen.
A large shoe box was under the coffee table. How she loved to stuff herself in that box! The sides were beginning to collapse, but it was still one of her favorite boxes. Her blue pet carrier had been a familiar fixture in the kitchen for months for easy accessibility for weekly vet appointments.
When you have a sick kitty, you try all kinds of food—just praying you find one that is gobbled up. There were extra cans of A/D and baby food that were not suitable for Chauncey and Grace. Left over baked fish and chicken were tossed from refrigerator.
Then there’s all the medicine: B-12 shots, prednisolone tablets, prednisolone liquid in red and also tuna flavor, appetite stimulant pills, nausea pills, and morphine. Assorted sizes of syringes rounded out the home pharmacy. A bag of Pill Pockets had not worked out. Well if you count once, I guess they did! I chuckled as I removed these from the kitchen cabinet and recalled Lexie’s reaction to them. I had wrapped a prednisolone tablet in one and placed it along with one torn up into smaller bites with no pills. She ate everything on the plate. I thought I had found my miracle vet assistant in the disguise of a Pill Pocket. The next day I prepared the same smorgasbord of pockets and pills. This time Lexie bit into the bite with the pill. She spit it out, looked at me with disdain and walked away. I tried a couple more days, but she was on to me! I was reminded of the saying: Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on me.
There was laundry to tackle. The towel from the pet carrier was removed. The kitchen rug had been a popular spot for me to wrap Lexie Lee up in a papoose towel and administer daily meds. Her bedding was set up in a hallway the last two days of her life. Her pink velour bed from the living room was taken apart for cleaning. Several other throw rugs were tossed in the washer. Some serious vacuuming followed laundry.
Finally, I filed away a veterinary file chock-full of weekly chemo treatments, discharge instructions, lab reports, bills and receipts. I often referred to it as the “hope” file.
So the physical reminders are minimized. The house is back in order. Chauncey has claimed the pink velour bed. Life goes on. The psychological reminders—well that’s another matter.
10 comments
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August 29, 2014 at 10:59 am
Bernadette
It’s hard to put those things away because it feels like you’re putting them away. I’ve actually left some things for a long time, just because. Thinking of you.
August 29, 2014 at 1:10 pm
lindamohr
You are right about why it’s so hard. I did the same thing with a flat box that Tatianna use to lounge on. I even threw it out but retrieved from trash and saved for a very long time! Thanks Bernadette.
August 29, 2014 at 11:02 am
T. J. Banks
The aftermath is always hard. Dawnie had been living in my room for the last few years because she didn’t like (understatement) Fey, one of the other cats. I remember going up there after she died and removing her litter box and food dishes….I think it’s when we’re doing those things that the grief really hits us in the gut, so to speak. But there are those flashes of humor, such as when you came across the Pill Pockets. You capture it all very vividly, Linda.
August 29, 2014 at 1:14 pm
lindamohr
Thank God for the flashes of humor! It helps make an unbearable task bearable. I appreciate your comments Tammy.
August 29, 2014 at 11:13 am
sugarrub
Our Sugar had mammary cancer and went to the Bridge 3 months ago. I remember how sad I felt that first morning preparing only 2 food bowls instead of 3. Then washing up items, putting her collar in a memory box, filing away her cancer file. As felt I was beginning to adjust I received her ashes and memory stone and that set me back. Just yesterday I replaced the battery in the cat flap and now it logs 2 cats instead of 3. Recovery is a process, not a product. My heartfelt condolences to you and to all who have had to say good-bye to a beloved furkid. — Jeanette
August 29, 2014 at 1:19 pm
lindamohr
Thanks Jeanette for stopping by. My deepest condolences to you for Sugar. You are right–recovery is a process, one that does not follow a straight line.
August 29, 2014 at 1:37 pm
Kate
Last week I found Marleys “woobie”. A mangled red toy of undetermined origin. She’s been gone 6 years now and I just sta there holding it and remembering. I’m sorry for your loss.
August 29, 2014 at 2:17 pm
lindamohr
Yes, a discovered mangled red toy can stir up memories and tug on the heart strings for your beloved Marley. Thank you for your thoughts.
August 29, 2014 at 2:01 pm
Gale mohr
We truly will continue praying for your grief recovery. Although my hearing is failing I still feel my Sam dog’s presents occasionally! Your cousin!
August 29, 2014 at 2:13 pm
lindamohr
Our fur friends are just behind the veil and they can see us. So I know Sam is near you. Thank you cousin for your kind thoughts.